The usual scepticisms

Jessica finally turned up online today (at a very reasonable time too might I add) while posting a comment on MySpace at the same time to see how I was. As I guessed she was still high on Maroon 5 and she told me that one particular song from the recent album "Wont Go Home Without You" reminded her of me. At least I still have some significance alongside Mr. Levine (just slightly I'm guessing though). She kept wanting me to check out the album too which I kept constantly telling her I will after she continually kept saying it to me.

I cheekily said something to her about when we meet again that I'll make sure I'll bring the mistletoe this time round. She said to see how the sparks are between us when we get there which is a valid point she made and I fully understand that. Of course I really do want something to hit off this time round but my scepticisms deepen even further simply because I don't feel it. It really upsets me to feel like that but I can't help it. Maybe it's obvious I woke up and realised that it was never going to happen. But as I'm certain I've said many times before I always wanted to have another chance in a better circumstance and really this is the true chance to see that happen.

As soon as I left Austin three years back I knew that the situation was unjustifiable regardless that I made those decisions upon myself, but I never wanted to give up on her. I knew that some other opportunity would arise where we could meet but in a better situation that was organised. But what better way for it to happen than this reunion, that's what I love the most about it. Maybe it's a good thing that I feel sceptical like this otherwise I'll have my hopes up too high and I like to think I have some idea of the way she is from now on since I last met her. I mean all we can do is meet and just see what happens, so I pray something finally does happen because I want something to work out for once after all this long. I mean this is technically the first ever proper meet-up for us.

The annoying thing is that I even dreamt about it for the first time last night, I hate having different scenarios run through my mind though. Because chances are I won't be seeing her all that much, especially since she's with a friend and that's going to be a constant obstacle with the lack of time I'll have with her. Actually that's the main thing I've taken into consideration and really accepted from the off since I know that's typically her.

Bah who am I kidding, I just need to be myself and play it cool, I can't act as if I'm desperate for something because that won't work anyway.

The wonders of Windows DRM cracking

Maybe I should be careful about saying this, but I'm not going into specifics so fuck it. I totally forgot to post this last night as I had my mind on doing it but I must had gotten carried away with the actual downloading last night.

Yesterday I finally found an application that can crack Windows DRM copy protection. The funny thing was I already had the application previously although for some reason I had no idea how it worked. It turned out much simpler than I thought, I think the site I got it from was a bit clearer in order of what to do via the screenshots.

Cutting to the chase I can literally have the 'free' downloads for literally free! A lot of on demand style services are using Windows based stuff for their files but the limitation is that you can only have them for a set number of time, usually around a week or so. I started off by trying it on a music download site since my broadband provider supposedly supplies three free music downloads every month and the site I went to had an unusual file format that was actually Windows media but it doesn't show the prefix, it comes up as an unknown file as it has no file type assigned to it. When you play it back though it is actually copy protected WMA. So anyway I managed to use those files on this application that removed it and presto! I was able to convert it to MP3 with no hassle.

The site where I downloaded the application also stated that it can do the same for Windows Media Video as well so I gave it a try. I started that off with my online DVD rental service that now seems to have a bigger quantity of 'free' movie downloads for a set time. I ended up downloading a 1.12GB file of X-Men which worked very easily.

Then it suddenly hit me.....4OD! 4OD is Channel 4's on demand service which often gets heavily advertised on their channel and it's not surprising to see why they do it. Since Channel 4 is 25 years old their offering a big archive of free downloads. Basically the idea is the same in that you download them for 'free' for a set period until they expire. Little did I realise how good their archive is, it's literally a treasure chest. So far since last night I've managed to get the full series of Da Ali G Show (not any of the US shows), the great thing with this is that the full series never made it onto DVD. They lamely made a compilation of the show as the "Ali G Aiii" DVD. Don't get me wrong it's a great DVD, but obviously it lacks the full series which I still don't get why they did that. So that was good to get those downloads. Another big surprise is that they have all four seasons of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" for free! The irony is that it's currently being shown on Sky the past few weeks but to get it like this is very surprising.

They do have a few shows that cost 99 pence per show which even that is impressive. I saw the sketch show "Absolutely" on there which I used to love but haven't seen in a LONG time and I may give that a go and see what that's like. Either way it's going to be very enlightening to be able to get this downloadable content for literally FREE!

Giving In

So I finally had to take a look at Jessica's current shenanigans on MySpace as last week officially marked the first week in a while with no activity without me trying to make any contact or shit like that. I think she's currently on a high over her meeting Maroon 5' Adam Levine, I swear she's so obsessed by him! Half if not all of the comments she makes are about her marrying him. I mean I know it's a joke and I don't take it seriously but come on, the girl....well woman is 27 and still acting like a teenage fan. I find it how crazy she mentions it, sometimes it makes you wonder where it gets to the point of obsession.

But basically I think that's the deal as to why I haven't seen her online much, I don't think I will this week either what with Halloween on Wednesday or whatever else. She's added a few more images which I couldn't really be bothered with this time round because it just felt like a hassle and it's the usual shots now. Normally I make such a sudden rush to save images of her especially as I've seen more images of her the past year or so since I've seen her on MySpace than I did with letters back in the day. I'd say I had about 5 images in total from the overall letters I've had from her, so that's saying something.

So yeah, once again it seems like I haven't been effected that much by anything new from her which is nice in a way as this may be the beginning of my lack of interest for her from now on. As Vegas draws near my enthusiasm for her and the meet up lacks further.

Crappy Sundays

Ugh, I hate Sundays like this.

I'm starting to get withdrawals from Jessica again, I shouldn't be feeling like this but when a week goes by without any contact it gets the mind pondering. I think provided there's always some form of contact at least during the week then I end up feeling satisfied, I think it's the fact that I've been so used to it now. Then again a week hasn't gone by so far without seeing her, give or take the odd time but it's very rare. I think the problem is it gets my mind working about what she's been up to, but it's the moment that really tests my limits for how much I can cope. The biggest test by doing that is by avoiding MySpace for a week, when it gets like this I usually start wanting to look at her comments to see what she's been up to.

This time I'll try not to do that or at least by next week I probably will log into the site just for the sake of logging in and seeing what else has been going on for bulletins. For this week though it's not a necessity.

Thank goodness also that week 6 starts as of tomorrow, we're almost half way now! Whether it also begins as the hardest weeks could be anyone's guess, so I wouldn't be surprised by that. With any luck as well we should be able to finish for filming with Video Production as well. Thursday went really well for filming as well as scoring an interview with one of the managers for the building I work at so that saved a lot of other time at least. I was hoping that we'd finish on Wednesday and that it would had all been filmed but unfortunately that wasn't the case. It kind of annoyed me when the other three members of my group kind of went to a sudden halt by the last half an hour before our video interview. I would had been certain that all of our filming would had been done by then. It was no big deal anyway, like I've said before as long as we have enough footage to edit that's the main thing.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

Spice DVD releases

So I've currently been reading on Denden for the past week or so about several sites mentioning a DVD release of the Istanbul concert. The only uncertainty is whether this is a typical simple transfer that the VHS release had or whether it will have additional stuff since it's now on a DVD format. Ideally it makes sense to make it a speciality for DVD otherwise making a direct "port" of it....sorry I mean transfer (but I find saying 'porting' a better term but it's mainly used for games etc) can technically already be done with anyone that has a VHS copy and then converting it into a video file by connecting it up to a PC.

Whether it remains the same is anyone's guess, I do have a feeling it will be like the VHS edition quantity wise - by that I mean it will still contain the 'Girls Talk' section and the gig list that was played on the video release, but I don't expect there being any additional features. Maybe the possibility of changing the audio options from stereo or 5.1 or something like that, but that's probably all.

In turn this lead me to thinking about the number of sudden Spice DVD's that are finally getting a release. Prior to this all we got was the pointless 'Forever More' DVD which only had the three main videos from the 'Forever' album and that was all. Ok lets exclude Raw Spice & the movie as well because their not classed under the music DVD category as such. I mean for a start one is a film, and the other was an unofficial documentary.

Anyway supposedly the following stuff are getting a release on DVD:

• Istanbul gig
• Wembley gig
• Spiceworld: The Movie anniversay edition (yes this counts since it's partly a new release)
• The up and coming Spice Girls documentary (which will be on TV first)

I think that's all I've heard so far, I could also count the greatest hits DVD although I have no idea whether that does have a separate DVD release because it is coming with the album. For now I'll just count the four that is listed above. It'll be interesting to see what does get released within the next few months....

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

I want one of those!

It always feels like ages since I do blog entries now. I think when you get occupied during the week you lose track of when your last post was. Although surprisingly my last one was merely a few days ago but you tend to lose ideas of what to put for posts so there's the odd neglect at times I often feel.

Today is one of those said posts. I was looking at the weekly Play Asia email newsletter I get and I found this:-



Now if only I had a large bedroom or an area to place it this would had been ideal.....however the damn thing is around £70 so there's no way I would even consider getting it for that price. No doubt it will sell very quick though. I may try and keep track of this during the months for sites like Ebay to see how much the prices reduce or the type of prices they are offering.

A slight minor hastiness?

I had a word with my driving instructor today over my uncertainty with tying everything in with university. I was thinking over if I was wasting my lessons when I will have no time to start booking for a practical any time soon. I keep thinking I should start doing something in January or at least well before I return back for semester 2.

Anyhow I talked it over and he started explaining to me how I'm doing fine especially since I'm only doing this once a week. I mean he said it's whatever I find best but I think really he wanted me to stay as I was because I've been maintaining this pace for so long now and I know I'm not far off. I thought it over and just decided to carry on as normal because it's not worth beating around the bush after this long. Also I never took much consideration into how much of the month there is left. I mean literally my next lesson falls on the 1st November and currently looking at the calendar I see that I only had three lesson for the whole month of October, so it's not like I have a shitload within that period of time either.

Actually before I know it I will more than likely have it all timed together without even realising, I don't think I was all that hasty, my main concern was over the constant group work and how to tie it all in but really it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I mean it breaks the ice not having to be with my group every-single-damn-day, I just hope for their sake they actually started piecing some of the work together by now. As I've said before we're doing good as a group and more than likely with any luck we can get it finished by this week as next Wednesday is the main deadline overall. So that's good going at least.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

Ugh I HATE this time of season!

I swear I'll be so pleased by this time next year that there's the possibility I will no longer need to be doing another semester for yet another damn year. I mean so far so good I'm not hating on this semester period like I was a whole year ago, but the general atmosphere is bleak, and it becomes irritating for the length of time we have for it all. I always feel like towards this period that I just want to end it as soon as possible. Especially as this year is no exception for the most obvious of reasons.

I just think it takes it's toll, it doesn't help with early morning lectures either, luckily I get used to waking up in the mornings but that's besides the point. Then you have no motivation for anything else, you can't really get up to any activities as you're too exhausted by the weekend and you just want to charge your batteries ready for the next week ahead. You literally have no time for a lot of things, the funny thing is this year I've tried to get myself to play some games regardless of what I didn't do last year. The irony is by the time I'm back home it's too late to play anything, maybe because I'm currently playing GBA games which, being portable, don't have that feeling of being pure priority as say playing on a games console. At least with that you know you have to dedicate yourself to using time with that and by using the TV for it.

But like I've said already, it's not too bad so far, it's just irritating especially for the time of season. Plus since it's the season a lot of goodies become available (mainly for Christmas) you almost feel spoilt for choice and wishing that you could have the chance to savour the wonders available depending on what it is.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

Whoo! Let me tell you something, group work isn't always all it's cracked up to be. Well actually I think the main problem is motivation. The problem with people like bigmouth this year is that some of the group work are based on previous experiences he's had with his former A-Level projects. So most of the time it feels like we have to rely on him a bit more in regards to his explanations to specific things. On the contrary it's not all that bad, but because of the way he is he tends to explain a lot without actually doing much about it. I always thought as a group the idea was to put things out together even when we write out the documentation. To me it's ideal when everyone explains something together or we know what our individual tasks are and then we come back to say what we've done.

At least tomorrow they'll have to pull their fingers out a bit more because I can't stay for any longer than 1pm because my driving lesson starts at 2pm so I hope they get something more specific done.

I think my Video Production group won't be coming until around 12pm on Thursday either. That's not so bad but it delays the filming by a bit because it'll be busy by that time. So what I decided I can do is simply start filming while I'm there at work or just before I start. I figure even before 10am I should be able to get enough footage of the place while it's still quiet prior to the lunchtime rush. I don't think they should mind either considering I'm using my own equipment, I asked one of them if we started filming even if someone is late to which they said it's no problem. The idea is to get as much different angles etc as possible which gives a bit more versatility during editing. After that we need to ask questions which I don't think will get done this week especially as one of the boys has a set of questions at hand so he needs to pass that out still.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

PC dust cleaning

I was looking at this video yesterday about cleaning out dust from your PC:

Cleaning the inside of your PC

Now I must admit since having my wonderful Dell PC for about 3 years now I haven't really cleaned it out although I had always considered it especially since being able to find compressed air.

The only thing that I came to a sudden halt with doing that was mentioned in the video was the processor. Being a Dell PC it was very much different the way its designed with the heatsink. I'm not even entirely sure whether this Dell heatsink has a fan underneath it or not, it would seem odd if it didn't although I could be wrong as I had no idea of how to remove it. So because of that I decided to leave it & only clean around the areas I could, which was most of it anyway. The heatsink does have another fan next to it on it's side which I assumed was the actual heatsink fan. After I got rid of all of the internal dust I checked online shortly after to find any form of documentation or guide for removing the heatsink. Luckily Dell had them in the form of a downloadable HTML file, and also because the damn instructions with my Dell had no mention of it. Probably during the week I'll take a look as I think I was on the right track with removing it, I didn't realise that the actual screws were very long ones as shown on the images of the file.

I've noticed improvements though, at least I'm certain it has because the fan doesn't seem to process as quick as it started doing since this past year. I can only assume the way it kept going so loud was due to the dust build up within the fans.

I'm currently running the .VRO file I was on about the other day through AVS video converter which seems to be converting it really quietly, the other day that wasn't even the case when it did it, it was much louder and you could tell the fan was trying to put more effort into it. Currently, this doesn't seem to be the case however so it'll be interesting whether this will be like it for the rest of the week.

Finally as you can see with what I mentioned I figured out that AVS Video Converter did the trick with a good conversion of that DVD-RAM file. I found version 4.5 via Bit Torrent so it's a few versions slightly off from the current release I found previously which is 5.1 I think. It doesn't seem to be much different though as far as I'm concerned. Either way it's simply just for converting the file, it's not like we're doing anything major quality-wise either.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

More 4's coverage of 25 years of Channel 4

Dang! It's amazing to think that Channel 4 is 25 years old to this year, or at least around November anyway. Naturally anything to do with channel 4 back in the 80's brings up one of the main things - Max Headroom. As you know last year I went into a little frenzy by finding a few things again, I wonder had I left it until this time whether I would had been lucky in getting some of the torrent downloads. Actually, was it last year? Maybe it was two years ago instead.

Well basically one of Channel 4's recent sibling channel's More 4 are doing a "Channel 4 at 25" season with a mixture of shows from back in the day. After nearly a whole month something about Max has finally merged, albeit it's yet again the TV movie of the origins rather than footage of the show we used to get. I guess it was predictable that they would show that considering I even remember almost more than 10 years back when Channel 4 did a previous anniversary and did the same thing. The only difference back then is that I recall them giving a little introduction to the character or something along those lines. What did they do this time? Diddly squat, yet last weekend they had Richard O' Brian briefly talk about the Crystal Maze just before the episode started. So that was slightly annoying considering Max Headroom is a semi-cult star of the 80's.

Supposedly though there are going to be some promos happening for Channel 4 about the digital switchover with Matt Frewer finally coming back for these one off promos. I've only just read this on maxheadroom.com though so I don't know how soon this will happen or whether it will at all. Because I also heard that Channel 4 are doing a proper anniversary for the channel in November. I suppose that makes a little more sense since I'm surprised More 4 have the coverage instead. Not only that but because of the type of channel More 4 is (that being stuff like documentaries, lifestyle, arts & more serious stuff which aren't as mainstream), it only has selected programs to show from the past 25 years mainly of which are documentaries. Granted they have shown some mixed programs, but it makes me wonder what the main event Channel 4 will be doing.

Regardless I only wished they would had made some more use of Max.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

The DVD-RAM portable drive & the weeks ahead

I guess really this is the week that officially marks the beginning of a lot of the group assignments. With any luck by next week we should be starting on Video Production. I think the DVD-RAM should work out well. One oddity I discovered today without ever realising previously was that there's a mini USB port on the front of the DVD Camcorder. I decided to give it a whizz and turned the cam on. To my surprise it works as a portable DVD-RAM drive! So this means it saves me the hassle of having to constantly remove the DVD-RAM disc from the Camcorder & using it for the laptop because my main desktop PC isn't a DVD-RAM drive unfortunately.

Currently I'm in the process of seeing how easy it is to convert .vro files which is a standard very similar to .vob except it's supposedly a little bit more flexible in regards to how it's used. From what I gather, everything you record one after the other on the disc is all together in one file. So once I've found a way of converting it, I still need to find some method of separating each scene we make, and even then it still needs further editing. But also it still greatly reduces the time to convert and edit compared to DV film. I'm really pleased about this though because I assumed that the hard drive camcorders were only able to do this. But since I can do this now via direct access it gives this nifty camera a bit more versatility to it.

Also it looks like the busy moment has crept upon us, already this week we've almost been filled up with the first wave of assignments, one of which is due in two weeks time. I still have faith that we're doing well, it's not what I consider drastically hard stuff, but they pose a challenge and it's a matter of knowing how to make it clear.

It's funny how I address minor issues prior to making things happen and they end up becoming much better than expected, the case I'm on about it in regards to what I was saying about Video Production last night.

Now to begin with I never had any doubts or problems, but I knew the Monday morning crap just get annoying at times. Today was pretty good actually. One thing I was pleased with was how suddenly I had a rush of ideas for what we could do as a group for Video Production. I started to have better ideas of the place where I work at, originally this was a very brief idea but I couldn't picture anything. I think maybe because of what was discussed during the lecture it suddenly gave me a better overview of what could be done. Suddenly I began picturing camera overviews with voice-overs and certain interviews. I think what hit it the most was that the lecturer said it should only be around 4 minutes, originally a lot of the things mentioned stated that they should be around 7 minutes. But by doing 4 minutes it requires less hassle to do a major amount.

Another benefit I'm really pleased about is that we don't have to rely on the equipment there. We had camera's to test out today for the practical session but I didn't realise they were basic DV camera's. The deceiving thing we had for the past two lectures was this typical professional looking camera that was shown in front of us. So with this I assumed we only had to use them because of the quality they output to. Alas this was not the case and so I asked whether it was fine to use stuff we had elsewhere (aka stuff from home), to my surprise he was fine with it. He said as long as I have a tripod as well then it should be no problem. A DVD Camcorder and a tripod? - Bingo! At least with the DVD camcorder there's an easier way to rip the files without going the hassle of constantly recording it during playback, it's way too VHS-esque. I need to have a bit more practice though with the DVD-RAM discs and whether they are easy to convert into a reasonable format as I know the last time I did it it was a little tricky to convert and then upload to a video site. I don't think Livevideo had the problem of doing it though.

So with any luck this will reduce the hassle of doing delays.

Monday agony all over again, and again, and.....

I'm so going to get bored of these Monday's sooner or later, just the thought of doing long-winded Video Production is bad enough as it is. I'm not over Video Production by any means, I just hate the idea of trying to figure out what to do and always finding time of when to do damn group meetings with people I don't know.

I mean I'm with 4 different groups for each module, three of these groups are the same exact friends which doesn't pose a problem other than trying to remember what what damn subject we're doing at that moment during the meeting. Video Production is a bit trickier as I have no idea of we could do for a documentary. If the idea was more flexible or at least open to certain categories then it may had given me better inspiration, since it's an open ended subject for a documentary, it's harder to know what to do. I love the idea of spoof, but I don't exactly regard myself as someone with a good sense of humour or at least someone that could pull it off as much as I'd love to think I could. Even the lecturer said comedy is a hard thing to pull off. My only teeny idea I did wonder about was for my job. At least that way everything is still within the campus grounds - but what exactly do we talk about that? I don't exactly want to be in front of the camera talking about what I do. Granted I don't mind seeing myself from now on but that's besides the point. It's a matter of having to edit the whole thing as well. So because of that I don't know how we'll go about using equipment.

Thankfully I reckon I found some good group members although not the type that would be easy to use if I even want to try a spoof documentary. Two of the guys are German for a start and obviously I don't know any of the group members on a personal scale like friends to just do something from the off.

I'm certain we'll figure something out, my main uncertainty is whether we'll be able to know what to do soon and how the weeks pan out with it.

Current Vegas TV reference count.....

One week on and the count is still going. As of this very moment there have been at least 2-3 Vegas references within the past few minutes: -

• Con Air (which has just finished) - Finale in Vegas.
• Casino (currently showing) - Main story involving Vegas.
• McDonalds Vegas burger (although this has been going on since the mid-weekI believe), which is part of a special selection of American states they are basing certain burgers on.

That is all for now, no doubt there is more to follow......

No new reportings

It amazes me of how little I have to say when university takes up a lot of my time. Once again this time of season has started giving me a cold which will be gone by next weekend at least, even then it may not be gone completely.

I think the only thing I'm ever going to think about from now on is the Spice gigs, I mean it was obvious I was going to, as soon as it was announced I knew that's all I was going to think about during the first semester of uni. I feel quite fortunate that this semester is big group work, I really only have one assignment to worry about on my own, actually scratch that, I think I have a few individual ones after some of them. With any luck I should be able to finish them before I head off.

Angie saw my post on Denden about Vegas and she wants to meet up which I'm really pleased about as I was wondering to do that anyway, although I had no idea how to go about doing it especially as she has a lot of people to meet with so little time I'm sure. I still pray that things go well with Jessica as well, I'm certain it will but I don't want her feeling uncomfortable and I can't help but wonder how the situation will be this time round. I'm not expecting that I'll be able to express myself than how I want to, I think I've already accepted that for a long while now so I'd rather just see and take it as it goes. Just in general I'm not expecting much and I'm not getting into a mindset over getting too excited otherwise my mind will constantly be on her. But this is what I really wanted for a long time, the fact that I can meet some other people while I'm there because it's been a long time now and I've still been put off after everything with Joz. Even if it was regarded as my fault I still disagree that it had to go that far, no one has the right to tell me what should be done regardless of how I feel. I have the decency not to do it to others and I've been doing so well with Jessica now. I'm happy how well I've been able to confront our conversations. Sure things aren't the same and half of the time now I hardly know what to say to her anymore but that doesn't me we haven't stopped caring. I'm still very thankful for Jessica and I've moved on from what happened last time.

If things end up going a bit uncomfortable then I have some form of backup to escape from, I mean I'm in Vegas this time, I didn't go exclusively for Jessica but I wanted that chance to see her again. I always waited for the moment where we could meet again for the right circumstances and situation and this is no time like the other. I'm still pleased I can know I can see her this time round and have a clear idea of what she's like, that way I can target the situation differently. After Austin I knew there would be another time to meet, and I knew it would be organised this time round. I'm not expecting to see her much but after seeing all the recent stuff of her from the past year I'm curious to see how much she's changed physically and personality wise towards me as well. In general I just think things will be mutual, it won't be any more than that.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

Constantly being haunted by Vegas

I would say since the weekend I've seen at least 3 different programmes on TV about Vegas in some way or another. I guess it's not hard to avoid since Vegas has always been a well known thing, but not like this as far as I'm concerned.

I'd say it started on Saturday when someone did a special about it when they visited the place and it's long running history. Then there was something else which I've totally had no idea what it was now, but there was certainly something else on prior to that.

Then just now that Simpsons episode where Homer & Flanders go to Vegas to get married. I'm sure there's still more shows/appearances to come - by the way this does exclude the "Las Vegas" show in case you are wondering :p .

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: chain of memories .

Thoughts about December

The more I think about it, the more I become intrigued for what's in store for December. The reason I brought this up is that I can tell my mum is getting quite excited about going. I mean I think it's great that I can spend some of December like this, ideally it would had been nice if it happened just after university finishing and typically there is a Vegas show a few weeks later as well. But really it's no big deal, I'm going now and that's the main thing. I do keep thinking about how the situation will be from the very first time I see Jessica once again, I always imagine the moment when we make first contact and whether she'll react differently this time round.

I'm not getting my hopes up for anything either though, I'm pretty much trying to prepare myself for short visits and letting her do whatever the hell she wants to do because I'm sure as hell she has no interest in wanting to do stuff with me and her friend.

The thing is I really want to try and cater for Trey and Jessica at the same time in that I don't want to neglect one over the other. But in Jessica's case I don't think I'll be seeing her much. From what I gather her friend Jocelyn seems to be a close friend of hers, I've seen times as much as last year where they literally send constant MySpace comments to one another as a conversation with what their up to. I must admit from the images I've seen on the girl she seems attractive and looks like a nice curvy girl, I can't help but wonder that their probably typical drinking buddies though which makes me think that's all they'll do while together especially if I'm not around. That's why I don't think I'm that much of a necessity towards Jessica. I know to her that's not the case but to me I'm seeing it in that she's with a friend and their there to see the Spice Girls and to binge/get wasted. I mean why would she want to be around me? It's obvious things won't be for the best, even after all this long since being back communicating with her she hasn't really changed. For the first time I can already tell how predictable Jessica is, so for her showing any form of interest in me will either be tough or just pointless. I also know that she still probably has those thoughts of assuming people hate her and I don't think that will clear from her head. I can just tell that if she talks to my mum that thought will be in her mind, same goes for Trey.

Like I said the other day me & Jess talked that over but even though she said she's ok with it I know she's not, she's too stubborn for that. I do wish at times there was a part of me that would just stop caring now, but my heart doesn't say that and it's hard to tell that to myself. Sure, there are elements like the weekly thing where I've gotten so used to it or if I don't see her for a while I don't think anything of it. I also don't have the same thoughts or feelings like I once had those years back. When I knew we were a proper item I always day dreamed of stuff we could do together and I would get that 'loved up' feeling all over. I really miss not having that although at the same time I'm glad I'm not going through that faze again because it's my vulnerability and it gives a false reality of what I want to have with her. Then as it showed in Austin it pretty much shattered that reality and I felt lost because of the way she was.

I mean I'd like to think if something happens then it happens, but I want to tell her how I don't want to develop a false reality of her again and expect something completely different. That's why I have this way of just having her own flexibility and not going my way out, it's for her to make that decision and to tell me if that's what she wants otherwise I'll just remain as her former lover and I'm certain I'll stop caring. I still say I have my own way of dealing with this, if university was so easy for finding girls within my classes then I wouldn't be reacting like this now. But since I haven't had any luck with that girl or anyone else for that matter, then there really is no point now, my main target is to just finish university from this moment onwards. After that it's just a matter of finding my own methods of having to meet people.

I'm certain by December I'll be at the point where I don't care what I'll be feeling, I'll just go along with whoever I meet there. I won't lie, I will be disappointed if I don't meet her however I won't be satisfied with whatever I do during those three days in Vegas. More than anything my main concentration is on having some decent sleep during the flight and while being there ready for the big day of the gig.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

The 5 hour gap

So I finally found a group for Video Production, today was the actual day we had to find groups so there wasn't anything to worry about prior to this but to me it didn't seem clear. Well because of the group I have found now it means I have to go to the early practical just after the lecture rather than waiting until 1pm. That's not a problem but it just means I have no other choice than to head back home once I'm done otherwise I'm literally wasting 5 hours at that campus doing nothing especially when no one is turning up until the next lecture I have at 5pm.

So the case in point now I'm at home and heading back probably just after 4pm. It's probably better to be doing this as this day is long enough as it is without having to constantly stay there.

Has the hassle already begun?

Maybe I'm jumping the gun too soon at this but I can't help but wonder whether the worst of this half of the year has already begun. I did some normal driving in my Mums car today which went fine, the car had the habit of revving too much although I couldn't help but wonder if that was due to me. A while after that it was my actual driving lesson and I can't say I did brilliantly, it may had been due to the driving prior. I have this real problem of trying to adjust between my Mums car and the driving instructors car. With my Mums car you always have to put a lot more effort into the damn thing, like you have to do the gas a lot more when stepping off and the whole thing in general about the car can feel like an ordeal.

So by the time I use the driving instructors car it can sometimes throw me because his is much more sensitive and in better control. Of course it sounds good but when you get used to something else you forget that some procedures work differently. I think I am differentiating to them nicely, but it takes a while.

One thing I'm glad he mentioned was that he said he'll try and sort out something soon where we can try it out in my Mums car which my Mum did mention not long ago. I feel that would help as he can see how I handle that car and I'd like to know what parts of the handling I'm doing wrong.

It's not just because of that though, I think with the whole business of university it's becoming harder to concentrate on that one specific thing. So by the end of the week I only just barely remember that I have to do it. Obviously there's no such thing as forgetting what you are doing for driving, but when you have a busy week the weekend simply becomes an energy catch-up and not much else.

So I can't say that this will entirely be the beginning of the worst to come, but it's not the most exciting either because after this week I'm certain the assignment rush will begin.

I totally forgot to add that I decided to remove the Splodgecast thing as I haven't even bothered updating since I came back from LA that time ago. I guess more than anything it was a curiosity like with the video blogging thing I did. More than anything it's too much of a hassle and there obviously isn't an audience for it, then again I never do it for an audience. Ideally I thought it would well like it does for me on Helium.com where you get a certain amount for what you do. Annoyingly it doesn't seem to be the case or as simple from that Podcast site. Well nevermind, it was no loss.

The hassle of going to the gym

I think this will be very unlikely now because of how much I've spent for the Spice gigs and to be honest I don't feel in the mood to be doing this yet. Like I said before this autumn/winter period never gets me enthusiastic for anything plus it's always the busiest you can be when it comes to assignments.

I don't even know whether I mentioned this already, I think I said something about it since bigmouth brought it up around this time last week and it irritated me with how he wants to always plan it. Originally I figured it would be nice to start doing it now to see physically what difference it would make on me by December. Then my mum said why not do it for the new year instead, I did briefly wonder about that a while ago, but I never took much thought into it. But after this week I don't think I have much choice, plus I can't see how I would physically change all that much within this period from now until December. Sure, I'll more than likely be in some form of routine by then at least, but I don't think there will be any drastic physical changes all that soon. Also in the long run I don't think I'll be muscular as I don't think I'll be that type of person for that much to happen. I just want some form of physique or at least make my stomach look a little flatter.

So anyway I'm going to opt for January or just before returning to university as by then it'll be the next semester and it will start to get lighter during the day. Also by then I'll be getting closer to being able to pass my driving test so then it means no more worrying over when to book driving lessons like I do now. That's also the annoying thing with when you have something to do constantly every week - you always become aware of when you have to do it especially in the case of driving lessons. At least once I finish with them by early next year I'll know I can do anything during the week without knowing it's a major priority. Anyhow that's what I plan to do, it'll be a good thing to start the year.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

A sudden urge of Spice overload?

This is what I always find crazy with this period, things start coming back or there is just way too much coming along for Christmas. Some years don't even have this much, I can't say the past few Christmases (sp?) had this much. By this I don't just mean Spice Girls stuff by the way, this also includes other things.

To begin with, today has been the most I've heard in regards to Spice Girls information excluding what has been happening since the beginning of this week with the ticket sales. Then Geri was on TV this morning talking about the ticket sales and that a NEW SINGLE is being released November 19th! I still don't see how it will be counted towards the Christmas number 1 though from what they were saying. Doesn't that need to happen more towards December? Oh actually I just remembered it's going to be the Children In Need single and that event doesn't happen any time later in the year, it's always the November period so that's the main reason. The thing is with things happening 10 years on a LOT has changed, obviously there's a new generation now but also music sales have drastically changed. Well actually the whole industry in general has changed, it's going to be very hard to see this new single retain it's number one reign until the big Christmas number 1. I sincerely hope it does stay there for long enough, I also can't see how it can't get to number one because it's still a good thing. That's another one to add to the collection. Good thing I did finally stop with the solo releases, that became a bit much.

That's also the other thing with having to stop with certain collections because I'm becoming such a storage freak now. I'm literally trying to find any means possible to shorten storage items where I can. I'm going to try and give Trey my old Spice Footage discs since I decided to simply copy them all on 8GB discs finally. I don't really want them going to waste.

Finally it looks like some form of Spice DVD releases are coming along, I'm not entirely sure what they are exactly but one of the things seems to be a 10th anniversary DVD of Spiceworld the movie which to me seems to be a sweet deal. Especially since it's the ideal time since the film's 10 year release this coming December. It would be nice to see some decent content on there as well including commentary. Now that would be awesome. To me it seems to be a long overdue thing to happen, the only other related thing we got to the film was a special edition VHS release about a year after which included a bonus video. On DVD now that wouldn't even require an extra disc.

So that's the Spice side of it all, for everything else it's really the winter period type of moment. One thing I was surprised to see come back so soon was the second season of Ugly Betty. Now if you remember I made some posts during the beginning of the year about this show. I don't think I'm as crazy about it than I once was, it kind of loses it's spark after a while but I'm overall surprised how soon this season has reached us. My only guess is that Channel 4 did a good deal with buying the rights sooner than expected. Technically the show has been on twice within the year although granted it did start in '06 in the US so that part doesn't count but for the sake of getting away with it lets say us in the UK got it twice within a year.

I also noticed that the same channel that shows the old Transformers cartoons here is going to show the Kirby cartoon over these shores after all this long. I'm certain it's been a few long years at least since it came out, I'm somewhat surprised but can't help but think it's about damn time. I didn't want to keep buying the US releases for it either.

That's about all I've noticed for now anyway, I'm certain there's more surprises to come, or at least nearer to Christmas there will be.

Elsewhere for other news I saw that girl today, except in the wrong circumstance. I had a few minutes to spare before the lecture as I was slightly early for arriving and I wanted to check my email in regards to the lecture I was going to. Basically I ended up seeing Sophie there and talking etc while during that time I saw that girl walking to the computers but quickly turned back round as we were using them and the others weren't working. So she basically saw them in use and probably decided to look elsewhere. I didn't have that sudden rush feeling at finally spotting her though, I think since I was in the middle of talking to Sophie while checking my emails at the same time I couldn't do much about it. It kinda happened all too quickly. It gives me an idea that she's still here at least, whether I get the chance to speak to her is another story.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: chain of memories .

Goin' to Vegas!

About a few hours back (well rather this evening) we booked everything for Vegas so now it's more official than ever. Spent the usual expensive amount but it's worth it for what I'm doing as far as I'm concerned. Dear old mama is coming with me albeit doing her own thing in Vegas to make up what we didn't do last year. She didn't have to come but she was saying about it yesterday morning I think it was. Secretly I'm happy for that because it makes the journey worthwhile and I know she wants to anyway so I figure why not. Yes it's cost a bit more but I wanted this as soon as it was announced for the reunion and I want experience it with other people. It's not like I'll experience this again.

Ideally I should feel excited and I am, but I can't help my mind be on Jessica, I really want things to go well this time but I'm still keeping an open mind at the same time. It's going to be hard although I think when the time comes that's when it will hit me for the gig and actually being in Vegas, for now it's hard to take in.

Also I can't really turn back if there is some form of exam planned by then as well, as far as I know the mini exam we have for Human Computer Interface falls on that week, or rather the beginning of that week so it shouldn't cause any problems and then the rest of the week I'm free in preparation for Thursday.

It's going to take a while to get the money building up again so thats why I'll have to make a few sacrifices for a while. The Wii first off obviously will have to wait for a while although I'm not fussed by that because I have enough copied PS2 games that are still building up. So that's more than enough if I should ever feel lost. Work money will gradually build, it's just unfortunate that I have to wait until the end of this month to actually get any form of payment coming in. Luckily I managed to give in my time sheet on time today so I'll have it coming by then, December will be the month where it builds though.

I think my reasons for feeling uncertain at the moment happened when I was speaking to Jessica earlier on and her uncertainty over my mum and Trey. Now I can't help but feel that stigma will constantly be with her from now on. I cleared it up with her and she told me not to worry as I was telling her how I feel that she still doesn't seem cool with it even though she said she's ok now. Maybe that is true but part of me can't help but feel she'll still have that feeling. My only reason for saying this is that I don't want her to feel the same way as before. But I'll sleep it off by the morning and it'll clear from my mind by the morning.

Also decided with Trey that it would be better if I stuck with the room with my mum since we're arriving a day before everyone else does. The idea for arriving Thursday evening is to recharge from the flight but to also be properly prepared for Saturday, this is also one of the other benefits as to why it helps having my Mum with me for this. We booked the hotel with the flight, luckily the hotel mentioned by Trey was included on Expedia, Jessica also may be booking there depending on the cost. Whether she does is another story, obviously it would be nice if she did.

I should stop with the Jessica meet-up references again as things won't turn out any different than any other time. It's just that this time round we are meeting in better circumstances rather than forced ones.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .

Sorted & Cleared

I finally got a reply from Jessica about a few minutes ago about the tickets, she got tickets for herself & her friend Jocelyn and already thought that I got them from Trey. I must admit I did wonder whether she had considered that because I mentioned Trey a few times to her and so I took that into consideration. Either way I don't awfully care if I don't see her as I can't see it happening unless she's enthusiastic about it.

Besides I feel like I owe Trey for how good he was in Austin and I'll have a good time with him anyway. Anything with Jessica is a bonus but depending on how that even goes. That's no priority anyhow, I just need to go ahead now with the booking and arrangements.

Spice girls tickets - ups and downs

I'm a little miffed by this, I'm a bit confused as to whether Jessica has got a ticket for me for Vegas because she first sent me a message saying yesterday that she might not be able to get tickets and I replied back saying I can pay her if she has a Paypal account.

The thing that annoys me slightly with her is that she doesn't respond properly to certain things. So since being back home today she said she now has tickets. But that's all the message said, there is no mention of whether she got a few or whether she has one for me or anything like that. I think it's pretty obvious she hasn't but I'd like her to be more specific as to what she's done. She shouldn't take too long to answer with any luck and because Jessica is Jessica I can't see her doing anything that would surprise me or to make me feel as if she's redeemed herself.

Trey on the other hand has a spare ticket however I don't want to keep him waiting and I'd rather he gives it to someone who I feel would be more worthy. Because of all this, I went ahead and booked for the new gig dates in London for 9th January. I still wanted them because it means I don't have to rush in December for several gigs and also January will be very quiet.

Anyway as for Vegas it's simply a matter of waiting for a reply or choosing not to go instead.

Currently playing: Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories .